Let's face it most of us (especially those of us over the age of 30) have some form of muffin top ranging from the only noticeable when you bend forward to a my-belt-is-somewhere-inside-this-flesh-colored-nuclear-mushroom-cloud muffin top. Most of us don't leave the house flaunting it. If you see a woman walking around looking like the above photo, cut some arm holes in a Hefty bag, pull it on over her head and tell her to just say NO to Muffin Top. Either that or buy her a t-shirt that says, “When I Grow Up I Want To Be The Michelin Man”.
4) ...wearing multi-leveled hair.
Nothing says, "Joe Bob, pick up a box of wine at the 7-11 on your way to the double-wide" like a she-mullet. Enough said.
3) ...with hands that look like they've been recently fed through a meat grinder.
If you're prone to get hungry enough to eat your fingernails, you should probably make time for regular meals, carry a Balance bar or two in your purse at all times, or make friends with a roll of duct tape.
2) ...with lipstick on her teeth.
If you don't like to walk around looking like a freshly fed vampire bat -- four little words of advice.... lip stain...hand mirror.
1) ...SMOKING.
A more undivalike habit you will be hardpressed to find.
Proof: Name one other thing you can do to prematurely leatherize your skin, prune your lips, yellow your teeth, deepen your crow's feet, putrify your breath, yellow your fingers and fingernails, stinkify your clothes, cause a multitude of unattractive illnesses and ...kill you dead. I rest my case. If you still think a ciggy hanging from your perfectly glossed lips or a smoke ring rising above your elegantly coiffed head adds to your fabulousity...
...tell it to her.
4 comments:
All great points.
Oh yes indeed, oh yes indeed. Especially the muffin top. Why do they do it?
When I see young things displaying the grotesque muffin top I want to go up and shake them.When I see a woman of my age with a menopausal muffin I could literally scream and slap her face. Why do they do it? Self-loathing?
Your post is great. sadly I have meat grinder fingers but hey I don't think i'm a diva. Awesome post.
maggie at coffeeshopmafia.com
Although I agree that a diva would never do the muffin top thing, I stopped by to tell you that there are guys who really really really like muffin tops. (Can you tell that I'm one of them?)
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