A Korean boy of approximately 17 walks up to the Department of Licensing clerk after waiting approximately 90 minutes for his number to finally be called. As he passes by, I think to myself he has the smallest eyes I've ever seen peeking out from extremely tight eyelids. The waiting area holds approximately 100 people captive with nothing to do but gawk, tap their feet and eavesdrop.
The boy presents his documents, pays his fee and gets in line for his driver's license picture which is taken and then handed to him about 15 minutes later. He walks out of the DOL and stands on the sidewalk holding the new license about 6 inches from his eyes. He examines it a good minute before walking back in the door and straight up to the clerk.
Clerk: Can I help you?
He hands his license to the clerk.
Boy: My eyes are closed.
Clerk takes a quick glance at the photo.
Clerk: No they're not.
Boy: Yes, they are. Look.
Clerk looks harder at the license.
Boy: They're closed!
Clerk studies the photo, then pulls the photo up on his computer screen. He enlarges it, looks at the photo for 5-10 seconds.
Clerk: I can't tell.
Boy: They're CLOSED.
Clerk motions to Clerk #2 to his left. Clerk #2 walks over to the computer screen. Clerk #1 & Clerk #2 examine said picture. Clerk #2 looks at the boy, at the picture, at the boy again. Boy shifts his weight from one foot to the other and back again. He lets out a big sigh.
Boy: They're closed. Can I please just get another picture?
Clerk: That's being awfully particular, but okay.
The boy walks over and has another picture taken, waits, receives his license. He looks at it closely again for several seconds. Hands the license back to the clerk.
Boy: I blinked again.
Clerk looks at the photo and pulls the picture up on the computer screen. Clerk looks at Boy, at picture, at Boy.
Clerk: They don't look closed to me.
Boy: They're closed.
Clerk: C'mon man, that's a decent picture. No one's license picture is any good.
Boy: Yeah, but I bet their eyes aren't full on closed, either.
Boy is getting pissed. Boy's mom approaches the desk. Clerk #2 approaches. Clerk #3 approaches. Three clerks lean in and examine the picture on the computer screen, look at the boy, look back at the screen.
Clerk #3: I think they're open.
Boy: (big sigh) They're clos...
Clerk #2: I'll take it one more time, but that's it.
Boy stands in front of camera. Clerk #2 steps out from behind the camera.
Clerk #2: I'm going to count to 3. When I count to three, open your eyes like this... (opens eyes abnormally wide) ...and I'll shoot it.
Clerk #2 steps back behind the camera.
Clerk #2: One, two...
Steps out from behind camera...
Clerk #2: (opens eyes abnormally wide again) Like this.
Boy: I AM!
Several of the DOL captives in the waiting room are suddenly very interested in their shoes and have a weird I-am-trying-not-to-break-out-laughing silent seizure grimace on their faces.
Clerk #2 counts down, snaps the picture, looks it over on the computer screen. Clerks #1 & #3 crane their necks to see the photo from their respective stations. Clerk #2 turns the computer screen for Boy (and the captive audience) to see.
Clerk #2: Closed again?
Boy: (Bigger sigh) THEY'RE OPEN.
Mom nods. Clerk #2 prints the license and hands it to Boy. Boy takes another long look at the photo and stomps to the door -mom in tow. Boy and mom exit. Silence.... then... almost everyone in the DOL breaks out in applause and laughter.
Hasta La Ha Ha,
The Diva
