How Not To Look Like A Trainwreck: The Britney Spears Edition

#1:  Any hairstyle shorter than a millimeter is generally unattractive on a woman.  If spying an idle electric hair clipper on a Friday night fills you with the overwhelming urge to shave your head, it's time to hire a therapist or get back on your lithium.  "It'll grow back" doesn't apply here.  Oh, and ... mullets are no longer in style.  Especially rabid mullets like this one.

#2:  I'm at a loss for words.

#3:  Do not wear curlers outside.  This fashion statement might work okay for Ma Clampett, but it is not appropriate for women with any shred of self-pride still intact.  Nothing says,  "Pick me up a pack of smokes and a box of wine on your way home from the meat packing plant and don't forget to gas up the camaro" like this look.

#4:  If you're prone to get hungry enough to eat your fingernails, it might be a good idea to make time for an occasional meal or invest in a roll of duct tape for your mouth.  Hands that look like they've been fed to a paper shredder belong at a nail salon, inside gloves or in the pages of a medical journal.

#5:  Ummm, yeah... no explanation required.

#6: Unless you are in the middle of that pesky dream where you show up in public without your pants on (again) a top does not...I repeat DOES NOT double as a dress. Tops were meant to be worn with bottoms... of the pant, skirt, short or sweatpant variety... not the pink, fleshy kind.

#7:  Nothing screams "HOT MESS!" like a bad weave.  If your hair extensions look like you glued them in while deep into an acid trip in a dark room, it's time to break Rule #1, take a mulligan and start over.

Diva Britney

The Britney We All Love and Miss