Master Cleanse/Lemonade Diet - Day 1

The first step in this cleanse is to drink a cup of laxative tea at bed time, the night before you plan to start. I am using Super Dieter's Tea and have read that Smooth Move Tea is also good. Regardless, you need a tea that is made of Senna Leaves which acts as an intestinal stimulant. I drank the tea last night while watching an episode of MI-5 with The Hubster, and found the taste to be actually quite pleasant.

After taking my son to school this morning, I mixed my salt water flush which is two teaspoons of uniodized sea salt mixed with a full quart (4 cups) of warm water. You have to chug this warm salt brew all at once to make it work properly. I can tell this is going to be -- by far -- my least favorite part of the program.

After a couple of failed starts to this portion of the plan I can give you a couple of tips for improving the experience. When you prepare the salt flush, make it VERY warm. Lukewarm is NASTY. Next, try to think of the salt water as a warm salty broth (minus the good brothy taste), and chug it through a straw. The straw kept me from swallowing air and it deposited the flood of warm water toward the back of my throat where I didn't notice the taste as much. I also counted the gulps which made them go faster.

The salt water is supposed to pass through your system between 30 and 60 minutes later, so when nothing happened an hour and a half later I said aloud, "Great, after all that this isn't going to work!" Wrong-o. It worked about 30 seconds later.

Another VERY IMPORTANT tip: If you feel like you need to pass gas at any point between the time you drink the salt water flush and the time you are certain it is working -- DON'T!! Make your way immediately to the bathroom and plan to spend at least 15 minutes waiting for the tsunami to pass.

All I have to say about this part is Drano ought to get in on this salt water flush thing. It's fast, painless, and 4-5 flushes later, the pipes are c-l-e-a-r and the process is over.

I'm super hungry now, but so far I feel pretty good. I just had my first glass of the lemon drink and I actually really like the taste. It reminds me of a spicy margarita, minus the tequila.

Immediately after starting the program this morning, I went into panic mode and really, really wanted to eat something. Recognizing the shrill and annoying inner voice of my own personal self-saboteur trying to ruin my chances of succeeding at this, I immediately told the little biotch to sit down and shut up, because this is happening -- like it or not. I expect many animated conversations with her throughout this process. (No, I'm not crazy... well, maybe a little.)

I weighed and measured this morning and will post my photos, weight and measurements throughout this ten day process.

8:00 p.m.

Okay... so... the day went okay although I'm ready to sprinkle some teriyaki sauce on this keyboard and eat it right now... mid-word. Do you think it'd go well with the powder from my printer toner cartridge and some shredded paper? I really would eat just about anything right now, but I think I'll give myself a break and drink some laxative tea --- mmmmmm.... laxative tea.... (say it like Homer Simpson) --- go to bed early tonight, catch some extra Zs and expedite the end to Day 1 of Operation Master Cleanse.

In addition to not enjoying drinking the salt water flush, I would have to say that one of the hardest parts of all of this is going to be all the cooking for and feeding of the rest of my family. There are lots of meals made, snacks slung, and lunches packed around here. I made my three sons and husband some Orange Chicken and white rice tonight for dinner and it smelled so good it was all I could do not to snatch up the pan from the gas cooktop, lock myself in the pantry and eat it with my hands like a cavewoman. I also had a long staring match with a bowl of Cheez-Its my six year old was eating as his after school snack today.

The cravings have kicked in and I'm having a full scale war against constant thoughts of spicy chicken teriyaki and those animal cookies with pink and white frosting and sprinkles... WTF???!!! I haven't had those since I was a kid, yet all I can think about are those pastel colored little animal shaped crack rocks!

Pray for me...

The Diva