So Far, So Good.

Despite a few near disasters - cruising the pantry and fridge at about 9:00 p.m. last night ogling crap food I don't even like - I am holding my own on this diet so far.

I'll be weighing and posting results no more than once a week to keep myself from falling into a fit of cheesecake fueled despair if the needle doesn't respond to my efforts the way I hope it will. My body can be very sluggish and I've been known to suddenly gain up to 5 pounds at certain times of the month. In otherwords, that damned scale needle tends to move painfully S-L-O-W in a two steps forward one step back pattern which can get sort of disappointing if I pay too much attention to it.

I've had a couple of readers email to tell me they don't think I look "fat", they think I am overreacting and I shouldn't sweat it. Two words... KUT Jeans. You can hide a small town inside the butt of them and no one would ever know.

It's not that I think I'm obese and need to lose half my body weight or anything, I just don't have the figure I desire, I don't feel good physically or psychologically... and I feel happiest, most healthy and most fahhhhhhhhhhhbulous 40 pounds lighter and much more toned. I've felt depressed and overwhelmed with it for a long time, and for me it's time to do something big about it.

I thought about posting a headless picture of myself in a swimsuit to further illustrate the junkyard figure I'm trying to trade in for a luxury model - but I don't know if I could endure the humiliation. Especially from the rearview mirror.

I've known women at 5'3 and 200 lbs who feel good the way they are and I've met people at 5'7" and 120 pounds who still swear up and down they are "fat". What it all boils down to is what goals I need to meet individually in order to feel great and reestablish joy in my life.

So, to be clear, this blog is not about fat or skinny, it's about feeling, looking and living fierce.

There will be much more to this Diva Survival Guide than losing weight. It will be about losing baggage and becoming my best me from the inside out or the outside in - whichever comes first. I hope you all join me on this quest whether you need to lose 200 pounds or more like 2 pounds, you just need toning, are fine with your bod and just want a brand new "look", or a brand new way of living your life from a fabulous point of view.

I'm noticing the more I talk about dieting and exercise, the more I want to eat and the less I want to exercise. What's up with that? I find myself worrying that my body is somehow stuck in its current state of gooey, big middled softness and that I am going to learn I'm secretly one of those sleepwalking binge eaters you see on Oprah who gets up in the middle of the night and eats several sticks of butter, two huge tins of butter cookies, and a half gallon of icecream in one sitting and never knows a thing about it.

One day at a time. That's going to be my motto.

I want to keep in mind that next week, I'll be a little bit smaller, the week after than a bit smaller yet, and so on, so by the time a couple of months pass and my 42nd birthday rolls around, I will be sporting Figure 4.2. It's going to take work and it's going to take perserverence, but I didn't get this out of shape overnight and I'm not going to get back into shape overnight... A couple of years of junk food and white bread eating, not lifting a finger to exercise, and overall sloth, has caught up with me... and it's time to pay the piper.

Living in Fabulousity,
The Diva